Remember when you first got into the relationship and seeing that person, or seeing their name pop-up on your phone, or just even thinking about them, made you feel all sorts of things? Whenever you guys were together, it seemed that the air surrounding you two was filled with electricity. Yeah, good times.
But, for a lot of people, around two years into a relationship it sort of feels as though someone has cut down the mains supply. Everything has just…settled.
Despite whatever pop culture might try to sell you about “the spark”, it's actually pretty normal for it to die down after a while. But does it have to stay this way?
The biggest reason a relationship starts feeling a bit bland after a few years is because you just stop trying, or, decrease the effort that you used to put into it in the beginning. It's exciting in the beginning, when you're getting to know a new person and you're learning all these things about them. But, despite all those promises, after a while we all start taking our significant other for granted. Now, don't get me wrong. Being comfortable in a relationship is a good sign. You're not supposed to spend your whole life wooing the other person. But, being so comfortable that you forget to make the other person feel loved is not okay. So, do something spontaneous, like getting them flowers, taking them out to a nice restaurant, etc. at least once a week.
Research suggests, trying out new things together strengthens bond between partners. So, you might skip the restaurant routine and go to art exhibitions or musical shows which are always happening around town. If you think about it, in the beginning going everywhere seems exciting because anything that you do, you guys are doing it for the first time. So, obviously to keep the excitement going, you guys need to go out and do new things.
Another thing that a lot of us tend to do is hold grudges. Now, I cannot stress enough how important it is to resolve all issues. You're mad that your significant other doesn't give you enough time? Tell them. Talk to them about all issues no matter how petty they may seem. Even if the issues are quite trivial, there's a possibility that they will keep building up with time and turn your relationship bitter. And one day, you'll wake up one of those couples who don't even talk to each other.
The thing is, every stage of the relationship is different and so are your feelings for each other. Even if you don't feel that “spark”, it doesn't mean that something is wrong.
Tasnim Odrika is having an existential crisis at the moment and doesn't really know who she is anymore. Send her compliments at email@example.com.